None of that compares to the exhausting complexity of getting a 3 and 1 year-old dressed, fed, and strapped into the car for "school" each weekday morning. Every morning is a frenzied blur in which I sweat, cajole, and hustle until I get to work, at which point I can finally relax. How is it possible that I wake up at 6:15 and get to work at 8:45 after a 15 minute commute?
Let me put on my aggrieved, complaining parent hat (which I know to be one of the most tiresome characters in all of blogdom) and recall some greatest hits of the morning logistics:
- The toddler that refuses to wake up because he spent all night sneaking out of his room and fabricating increasingly bizarre demands. What started out as a need for water morphs into a request to re-curate the framed art in his room.
- How about the baby who has the most regular bowel movements on the planet? He can consistently drop a bomb on me right at that precious moment when I'm finally making that move toward the car to leave for work. It's like Murphy's Law is wired directly into his digestive tract.
- Let's also consider that the boys know when I have the presenter role for an 8 a.m. meeting at the office. On these mornings, they summon up every ounce of needy histrionics to prevent me from cruelly abandoning them at the apparently horrific hellhole that is their day care. Their group of friends and bowl of sugary cereal that they would never get at home is too much to bear, and any attempt to leave will be met by leg-grabbing, wailing, and my recall of that "Cat's in the Cradle" song.
- Did you know that some toddlers will employ a sippy cup in a manner inconsistent with drinking?
- You ever tried to find two sets of matching shoes and socks that were previously worn by the random chaos generators that are young children? Of course one of the crocs would be buried in the couch, and the other one would be submerged in the dog's water. It makes perfect sense.
The saving grace is that my finance team is staffed with parents of similarly aged logistical challenges. When I blitz into work at 8:45 with a sheen of sweat on my brow and a thousand-yard stare, I see naught but understanding expressions. I am comforted by the fact that none of the intricate financial processes that I work through today will compare to the goat rodeo that I just faced at home.