Monday, December 15, 2008

I've Never...

I just realized that I've never owned a leather jacket. How can I have gone through my entire life of 30+ winters without this coat staple?

I could claim to be defending our bovine friends who would probably be more comfortable in their own skins. This would be disingenuous, as I love me some ribeye steak crusted in salt and seared to medium rare.

I've also never owned a bird or fish, but I have eaten plenty. I think they make better food than pets. The opposite goes for pigs (ehem, Carter).

I've never owned a car that has only two doors. What a brilliant idea that is! "So, it's like a 4-door car with a few improvements. First, the door will be heavy and difficult to open. Second, it will swing out and absolutely obliterate the car parked next to you on a regular basis. Finally, anyone who wishes to enter or exit the backseat must perform gyrations and unflattering contortions that are probably illegal in the state of Utah."

I've never owned a school class ring. I can just put on one of my ugly school t-shirts if I want to show my allegiance. Is there a hidden purpose to these things besides earning a rate of return for the shareholders of Jostens? The best I can come with is that the ring is helpful when punching someone.

Does anyone in the audience care to share an I've Never Owned story? Was this posting complete garbage?


Anonymous said...

I've never owned a two wheeled bicycle (my trike was stolen and I guess my parents thought that I was unreliable).

And, I've never owned a pair of roller skates.

The lack of a cell phone, tho, says what about me???

Aunt Kat

Sarah said...

I've never owned anything from the GAP. But I've bought the hell outta some Old Navy. Thrifty? or just cheap? We'll let the readers decide.

Sarah said...

I've also never watched a single episode of American Idol, Survivor or Dancing With The Stars. I'm very proud of this. :)

Chris said...

I think your first two are very sensible. You've probably fallen down less than many of us.

When you finally get a cell phone, you should swing for the fences and get a decked out iPhone or Blackberry.

Chris said...

I've watched American Idol and Survivor, but I'm proud to have avoided Dancing.

The GAP is ok. I think Austin's hawaiian shirt is from there, so you may sort of own it...

shannon said...

All of Christopher's Nevers (besides the bird), I've been a part of (I use to save fish from getting cancer in college), Sarah's and Aunt Kat too...I love The Gap, I still have a sweatshirt that I bought in high school from there, it was my source of income for four years in college as well as any clothes that I owned during that time. Although I refrain from watching American Idol now, I met my husband because of that tv show and I have a little place in my heart for it.

I have never seen The Sound of Music, never owned a small rodent, and never had a pet that had babies.